I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
