I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have demons in me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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