I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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