Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
