just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
