I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
