you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
