Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
