Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
