come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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