If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
