College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
