Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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