I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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