Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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