I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
