My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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