If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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