even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize