My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
