so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
