So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
