It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
