My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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