i was born a porn star she said
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
