so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My penis needs a shock collar
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
