What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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