mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
