Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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