my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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