Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
