really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think a kid would responsible me up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
