i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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