things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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