Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
