one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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