Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
