No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
