Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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