there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
