I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
