508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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