yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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