There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
