She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
