hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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