would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
