I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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