I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
