Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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