and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
