he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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