There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry my hands just texted you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
