do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
