The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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