i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
