i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
