So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
