At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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