By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
