forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
