remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have demons in me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
