Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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