Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
