She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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