i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
