Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
